My aunt said to me “You rely too much on the books or manuals. Find your way, following your instinct”, when I was in high schools and I ignored her words, but now I can say to my aunt for sure, “Yeah you’re right to some extent.”. My spirit had been immature to understand what she told. These days, I visited her house. Every time we talk, we had “strange conversations” for my relatives that is regarding how feel the connection with ancestors or how survive the society. In addition while the two talked and cried with silence, my cousin was drunk in the same room. What a weird situation!
At least, that was a kind of relaxation for us. This is because the two are just dumb nerds? Probably, no. She often tells me that she try to explore her core like a pealing onions, but never find the answer, what is important is diving into one mind. However, I have not incorporated the way she think, if anything, my whole life have struggled to go out to find the answer, reading books and sometimes talk to close friends. The others are so critical for me to grasp the world, even though I became late 20s, still looking for something that is vague.
I am a traveller and she is a diver. Generally speaking, there are two types of the living, but they finally arrived the same conclusion, the death. In any case, the process is the worth living. So I want to write poets and make drawings, someday also music, although I have to stand on my own two feet. I struggle to survive the life to leave my works. This reminds me of what happened at job interview as an undergraduate student. In the interview, the interviewer asked me my goal, my saying, “only to know how my journey will go”. That was so embarrassing and inappropriate answer, but I gave oneself away. People tell me “life goes on”. Yeah, true. I have experience hardworking, a marriage and leaving my parents’ house.
What comes next.
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